One-Trick Actor

Today, boys and girls, we are going to have an extremely important lesson: the one-trick actor. I'd like to use a personal favorite in today's lesson, if I may. The man. The myth. The ear-slicing genius that is... Michael Madsen! Let's face it: the sexiest thing about Michael Madsen is... the fact that he's Michael fucking Madsen. No one else looks quite as fearsome when getting jiggy with it to the oldies, and he's completely ruined Stuck in the Middle with You forever, for thousands and millions of people worldwide. Here are the things I've learned from Madsen's career.

1) The right director can do wonders. What Quentin Tarantino does as a director is astounding. Watch everything he's ever directed. I'm serious. You'll see actors who are shit elsewhere, but who suddenly deserve a fucking standing ovation. Brad Pitt, who usually pisses me off by just being there (overexposure is dangerous... later lesson, folks) suddenly had me rolling in the aisles in Inglourious Basterds. And stuntwoman, Zoe Bell (not normally an actress at all) shines in Grindhouse, in all of her New Zealand-er glory. And think about it... Tarantino has taken the careers of many character actors and shot them into superstardom. So maybe I'm a little Tarantino biased because of my girlfriend's conspicuous obsession. Maybe. But as an actress, I would literally give my left tit to work with a director like him. Watch Reservoir Dogs, and study the character of Mr. Blonde. His eccentricities. The menace and the near psychosis behind every word, and every glance, even if it's only for a split second. Then watch Madsen in Boarding Gate. By all intents and purposes, this should be a sexy as all fuck film. But it isn't. It's just two sexy people (Madsen and Asia Argento), sitting in a room, talking. And talking. And talking. May I suggest fast-forwarding to the balcony scene, in which she rides him while holding a belt around his throat? No sex, but heavy petting. Then, quit watching the film. Seriously. It's shit.

2) Character acting can make careers. So maybe Madsen only makes a living doing shit roles. That guy in the corner. The dad in Free Willy. The alcoholic husband. The creep. Whatthefuckever. But let's face it... those roles are necessary. More than necessary. And even though you may not know some of those actors' names, you will know their faces. According to IMDB, Madsen boasts about 194 roles. I don't know about you, but those numbers are fucking impressive. If his film career was a wad of semen, he could impregnate a small country with one shot. Look. To be fair, not all of his movies are good. Most of them are shit. But he's working.

3) Typecasting is not a bad thing. If you do only one role well, do that fucking role well. Be "that guy." Madsen has created an entire career off of his badassitry and menacing gravely voice. He will always be "the crazy motherfucker who sliced off a cop's ear," but THAT'S OKAY. Why? Because he's made a living off of it. How can I say this enough? In an actor's life, it's necessary to work. Those of us who have a passion for it... we'll do whatever it takes to keep working. Keep that passion rolling. I'd take any sort of shit role necessary. Hell, I'd do Boarding Gate 2, if it meant I got to have a script in my hand and a character added to my arsenal. That's not to say that selection isn't important. Careers have been made and broken off of shit movies. But at this point, all I'm saying is that beggars can't be choosers. I've worked on a shit movie before. Not acting, but off camera as a production assistant. It's literally probably the worst film known ever to mankind. But guess what? I got experience. I got to know the ins and the outs of the feature length film. See how the indie market worked. I got to experience, firsthand, what it felt like to be on a hot set. And experience is more than important.

In short, I recommend that everyone watch the documentary Starz Inside: The Face is Familiar. It's available streaming on Netflix, and it parrots much of that which I've said in this blog. Except the bit about the semen. That was just weird.

E.